Non-Hockey => Gatherings => Topic started by: moxie on February 03, 2009, 11:45:38 AM

Title: The Coup
Post by: moxie on February 03, 2009, 11:45:38 AM
We'll try to keep it bloodless, but we'll do what we've got to do. It is pretty obvious that the Sensnetwork brain trust can run this team better than the idiots in charge, so it's about time we stormed down there in the night and took over.

Feel free to apply for a position in this thread. List your credentials and your plans for the team should you attain the position.

Don't forget to get your pitchforks sharpened up.

Signed,

-A new order for Ottawa hockey
Title: Re: The Coup
Post by: OS on February 03, 2009, 12:20:20 PM
Postion applying for: Owner.

Qualifications: I have $3 billion, like hockey and am a bit bored.
Title: Re: The Coup
Post by: moxie on February 03, 2009, 12:46:21 PM
Okay, there are a couple of stipulations for this position, though.

You must:

-Have had some history of shady business dealings in your past
-Look like a total dickhole, something along the lines of:

(http://media.canada.com/idl/otct/20071214/226496-74591.jpg)
Title: Re: The Coup
Post by: Budkiller on February 03, 2009, 01:10:32 PM
Director of Apologies

I'd be busy for the first year or two.  But with the right management team, I should be able to coast after the end of next season.
Title: Re: The Coup
Post by: momr on February 03, 2009, 01:28:40 PM
Director of cliches.

I am infinitely qualified as that is all I ever heard or read regarding hockey and I am sick of them.

My first duty if I am chosen will be to remove them from player's and coach's and GM's vocabulary.  From now on, all interviews will be terminated as soon as one of those ugly beasts leaves from their mouths!!

Title: Re: The Coup
Post by: Sugar J.Hyde on February 19, 2009, 03:10:44 PM
Director of player personnel

I have seen Mighty Ducks 1,2,3 at least 100 times and I own a DVD copy of Slapshot, which is on a loop on my DVD player.

First order of business would be to spend billions of dollars into finding a way to create a living breathing replica of "Reggie Dunlop". 
Title: Re: The Coup
Post by: classmate on February 19, 2009, 04:46:40 PM
Official Team MOM

Whenever a teammate is feeling down because they just stunk up the place, I will give them of hug, and a fresh baked chocolate chip cookie. 
Works 100% of the time, 90% of the time.   :)
Title: Re: The Coup
Post by: butterfly_style on February 20, 2009, 09:28:52 AM
Director of Parking.
I always get the spot closest to the door . . .without using the
(http://www.compliancesigns.com/media/Parking/PKE-20750_150.gif)
Title: Re: The Coup
Post by: FV on February 20, 2009, 09:32:40 AM
Official Team Dad

I will drive the players home after games and give them shit about some mistake they made on the ice.  Then, I will give them bad advice because I know nothing about the game and I'll tell them to do things the complete opposite of what their coaches are trying to teach them.
Title: Re: The Coup
Post by: Broken Bones on February 20, 2009, 09:33:40 AM
Official Team Dad

I will drive the players home after games and give them shit about some mistake they made on the ice.  Then, I will give them bad advice because I know nothing about the game and I'll tell them to do things the complete opposite of what their coaches are trying to teach them.

Don't forget encouraging individual play rather than team play.
Title: Re: The Coup
Post by: butterfly_style on February 20, 2009, 09:34:05 AM
Official Team Dad

I will drive the players home after games and give them shit about some mistake they made on the ice.  Then, I will give them bad advice because I know nothing about the game and I'll tell them to do things the complete opposite of what their coaches are trying to teach them.
Then you could email the coach evey Monday morning and tell him what a crappy job he's doing with your kid.
Title: Re: The Coup
Post by: FV on February 20, 2009, 09:37:10 AM
Then you could email the coach evey Monday morning and tell him what a crappy job he's doing with your kid.

Sounds like you may have done some coaching too!   :laugh2:
Title: Re: The Coup
Post by: moxie on February 20, 2009, 04:34:13 PM
I have never been a coach, but I've been a referee, and I empathize with you guys big time.  :laugh2:
Title: Re: The Coup
Post by: butterfly_style on February 20, 2009, 09:37:20 PM
Sounds like you may have done some coaching too!   :laugh2:
Currently. . . .Novice B
And apparently, I've already ruined little Johnie's shot at the NHL.
Title: Re: The Coup
Post by: moxie on February 21, 2009, 12:56:04 AM
 :laugh2:

Teach him how to fight, then he still might make it.
Title: Re: The Coup
Post by: work2play on February 24, 2009, 05:06:01 PM
Director of North American Scouting.

Qualifications:

Previous experience telling parents that "Little Johnny" has no shot at the NHL (even if he does learn to fight).
Willing to apply this experience to certain players on the Ottawa roster who's parents should have been sent this message already.
Title: Re: The Coup
Post by: rose on February 28, 2009, 05:55:14 PM
Press Box - Director of Press Kits and Hospitality

I've done it before, I can do it again.  Just ply them (the media) with good food, lots of booze, incredible stats and watch the oceans of 'good ink' flow!!  Spend lots of attention on visiting media so you can always get your hands on free tickets when you are visiting other cities in North America.   :nod:
Title: Re: The Coup
Post by: RideauDreaming on April 08, 2009, 02:53:49 AM
Goalie coach

They say goalies are from a different planet and speak a different language and it applies to austrALIENS as well. Plus after watching the canucks and the sens over the years I know all about what terrible goaltending looks like. I'd be coaching along the lines of "see lalime let in that shot? Don't do that", "see lidstrom's 50 footer go in? Don't do that". I'd be good for post game quotes too.
Title: Re: The Coup
Post by: Dagwood on April 08, 2009, 12:32:23 PM
Goalie coach

They say goalies are from a different planet and speak a different language and it applies to austrALIENS as well. Plus after watching the canucks and the sens over the years I know all about what terrible goaltending looks like. I'd be coaching along the lines of "see lalime let in that shot? Don't do that", "see lidstrom's 50 footer go in? Don't do that". I'd be good for post game quotes too.

I don't think you can use the words See and Lalime in the same sentence.  I'm 100% convinced that objects 40 feet from him disappear into a dark hole and can't be seen.  ;)
Title: Re: The Coup
Post by: butterfly_style on April 08, 2009, 01:16:45 PM
Goalie coach

They say goalies are from a different planet and speak a different language and it applies to austrALIENS as well. Plus after watching the canucks and the sens over the years I know all about what terrible goaltending looks like. I'd be coaching along the lines of "see lalime let in that shot? Don't do that", "see lidstrom's 50 footer go in? Don't do that". I'd be good for post game quotes too.
Sorry what are you saying ?
Exactly what language are you speaking ?
Title: Re: The Coup
Post by: stone169 on April 08, 2009, 01:34:08 PM
Defensive coach.  Opposing teams will fear coming anywhere near the net by the time I'm done.
Title: Re: The Coup
Post by: OS on April 08, 2009, 02:41:05 PM
Player's celebrity girlfriend liaison.  :devil_grin:
Title: Re: The Coup
Post by: classmate on April 08, 2009, 09:58:00 PM
Player's celebrity girlfriend liaison.  :devil_grin:

I can't believe it took you men this long to come up with something like this.

Nice work.   :ccclapping: