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Topics - Dagwood

Pages: 1 [2] 3 4 ... 9
22
Anything But Hockey / And then the fight started
« on: December 11, 2008, 04:25:00 PM »
And then the fight started....

When I got home last night, my wife demanded that I take her someplace
expensive....
So, I took her to a gas station.....
And then the fight started....
****
My wife and I are watching "Who Wants To Be A Millionaire" while we
were in bed. I turned to her and said, "Do you want to have sex?"
No," she answered.
I then said, "Is that your final answer?"
She didn't even look at me this time, simply saying, "Yes."
So I said, "Then I'd like to phone a friend."
And then the fight started....
 ****
After retiring, I went to the Social Security office to apply for
Social Security. The woman behind the counter asked me for my driver's
license to verify my age. I looked in my pockets and realized I had left my
wallet at home.
I told the woman that I was very sorry, but I would have to go home
and come back later. The woman said, "Unbutton your shirt". So I opened my
shirt revealing my curly silver hair.
She said, "That silver hair on your chest is proof enough for me".
And she processed my Social Security application.
When I got home, I excitedly told my wife about my experience at the
Social Security office. She said, "You should have dropped your pants. You
might have gotten Disability, too".
And then the fight started.....
****
Saturday morning I got up early, quietly dressed, made my lunch,
grabbed the dog, and slipped quietly into the garage. I hooked up the boat
up to the truck, and proceeded to back out into a torrential downpour. The
wind was blowing 50 mph, so I pulled back into the garage, turned on the
radio, and discovered that the weather would be bad all day.
I went back into the house, quietly undressed, and slipped back into
bed.. I cuddled up to my wife's back, now with a different anticipation,
and whispered, "The weather out there is terrible."
My loving wife of 10 years replied, "Can you believe my stupid husband
is out fishing in that?"
And that's how the fight started ...
****
My wife and I were sitting at a table at my high school reunion, and I
kept staring at a drunken lady swigging her drink as she sat alone at a
nearby table. My wife asked, "Do you know her?"
"Yes," I sighed, "She's my old girlfriend. I understand she took to
drinking right after we split up those many years ago, and I hear she hasn't
been sober since."
"My God!" says my wife, "Who would think a person could go on
celebrating that long?"
And then the fight started.....
****
I rear-ended a car this morning. So, there we were alongside the
road and slowly the other driver got out of his car. You know how sometimes
you just get soooo stressed and little things just seem funny? Yeah, well I
couldn't believe it.... He was a DWARF!!!
He stormed over to my car, looked up at me, and shouted, "I AM NOT
HAPPY!!!"
So, I looked down at him and said, "Well, then which one are you?"
And then the fight started.....
****
I took my wife to a restaurant. The waiter, for some reason, took my
order first. "I'll have the strip steak, medium rare, please."
He said, "Aren't you worried about the mad cow?"
Nah, she can order for herself."
And then the fight started.....
 ****
A woman is standing nude, looking in the bedroom mirror. She is not
happy with what she sees and says to her husband, "I feel horrible; I look
old, fat and ugly. I really need you to pay me a compliment."
The husband replies, "Your eyesight's darn near perfect."
And then the fight started.....

23
Sens Talk / 8 Days -----
« on: September 12, 2008, 12:42:06 PM »
I can't wait.


24
Anything But Hockey / Youtube - Logon issues
« on: April 06, 2008, 05:20:55 PM »
Anybody else having trouble logging on to Youtube?

When I launch a web browser and connect to Youtube.ca  (Rather ca.youtube.com)...I see

Welcome Back SensDagwood.....I click on "UPLOAD" and I get challenged for a Logon.  Enter my credentials and nothing...returns to the same page again.

This has happened in the past, but only for a day at most.  It's been a couple of weeks now..that's why I haven't posted any youtube links.

I've reset my password about 4 times now...and still, my logon credentials don't appear to be working.  :icon_hissyfit2:

25
General Hockey Discussions / Gameday - Flyers Vs Pens - April 5th 2008
« on: April 06, 2008, 03:10:53 PM »
Crosby sitting out :rolleyes
Looks like they may want to play Ottawa which means a loss...or they are worried he will get beat up.

Throwing Malkin and Hossa to the dogs in a game that may or may not put the two against each other in the 1st round.

Get out the meat grinder, it's time to tenderize the Pens.  Lot's of big boys in this game...


26
Sens Talk / Sens broadcast in Belleville?
« on: March 05, 2008, 11:46:07 AM »
Hi all.

Sorry to dump this question in our Sens Forum but I have to go to Belleville this weekend for my Son's hockey tournament and am hoping one of our Belleville fans could answer.

Just wondering which game to expect the CBC to show Sat night? Toronto or Sens?

I guess I could watch the online feed if needed...but would like to watch it on the regular tube if possible.


27
Sens Talk / Sens dropping like ....like......the Wings
« on: March 01, 2008, 02:17:33 PM »
Just curious...

Anybody here actually notice the Wings are not fairing much better than our own team? Difference being the Wings had a larger margin of points over the rest of the teams in the West. However...They now sit 3 points in front of Dallas after dropping 7 of their last 10 and the other teams are battling for spots between 3 - 11 where there is an 8 point separation.

In otherwords..... Shit happens :mrgreen:

14 Games left to secure a spot....then, anything can happen. TGOR made some very "realistic" observations yesterday.

Of all the Canadian teams to make the finals the last few years.....None came out of the 1 - 4 seeds, but rather from lower seeds in the final 8.

Interpret that how you want. My interpretation is.... New season starts after these last 17 games.

Naive? Maybe, Optimistic?.... Yes, Ready to hit the panic button?... Not on your life. I've been around long enough to never rule things out when everything looks bleak.

28
Sens Talk / Chance Meeting on Canal
« on: February 08, 2008, 11:19:53 PM »
My Wife and Daughter went skating on the canal today and noticed a News crew interviewing someone..

So they skate over and realize it's Chris Phillips. Once Global was done filming them...Philly and the camera crew go to get something to eat.
Bacon on a Bun I think. :laugh2:

That was my Daughters chance... She goes up to Philly just after he takes a bite and asks for an Autograph.

Philly obliged right awaydespite the mouthfull and then allowed my wife to take a photo of my daughter and him.





My Daughter is 8. The Camera crew then decided to film her for a bit and the reporter asks..."What is the best part about being on the canal today?"
and my Daughter responds "Going home to tell my older brother I got to meet Chris Phillips" :thumbsup:

You see, My son is 15, a huge fan but on this day...despite my mentioning the Panthers might be there for skate, decided to skip the skate and do his own thing. No Panthers...but meeting Phillips would have made his day.

The Chris Phillips segment is supposed to air on Global, Monday at 5:30pm

29
Sens Talk / I see Chicken Little has appeared
« on: February 06, 2008, 01:03:28 PM »
I've been away from my regular cheerleading duties for a while now, primarily because chicken little apparently has a roster spot on the Sens Bandwagon.

I can hardly wait for the 1st round to start myself. Anything up until then is just a tuneup.

Off to stick my head in the sand again until April 8)


8 - 0 for the Thrashers over the Leafs...now there's something to take seriously  :spin:

30
General Hockey Discussions / FLyer - Devil Game Sunday Dec16th
« on: December 16, 2007, 06:23:53 PM »
Devils were down two men....Madden and Langendrunner broke out  2 on 1 against Philly and scored  :shock:

Nittymaki in net for the Flyers.

31
Polls, Polls, Polls, What Sayeth You / Martin Havlat Injury Poll
« on: December 13, 2007, 10:53:24 PM »
I love Martin Havlat and the Talent the guy brings to the rink..but

Year after year we Sens Fans have seen him come out on Fire, go down to Injury, comeback again and light it up, then go down again...usually done for the season. So I should actually start a pool, but instead I have created this poll.

I say after Christmas....Mid January.

Humour me :mrgreen:

32
Anything But Hockey / Christmas Party - The new world
« on: December 10, 2007, 10:54:52 AM »
FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director

TO: All Employees

DATE: November 01, 2007

RE: Christmas Party

I'm happy to inform you that the company Christmas Party will take place on
December 23, starting at noon in the private function room at the Grill
House.

There will be a cash bar and plenty of drinks! We'll have a small band
playing traditional carols...feel free to sing along.

And don't be surprised if our CEO shows up as Santa Claus!

A Christmas tree will be lit at 1:00pm. Exchange of gifts among employees
can be done at that time; however, no gift should be over $10.00 to make the
giving of gifts easy for everyone's pockets.

This gathering is only for employees, our CEO will make a special
announcement at that time!

Merry Christmas to you and your family.

Patty

***************************************************

FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director

TO: All Employees

DATE: November 02, 2007

RE: Holiday Party

In no way was yesterday's memo intended to exclude our Jewish employees. We
recognize that Chanukah is an important holiday, which often coincides with
Christmas, though unfortunately not this year. However, from now on we're
calling it our 'Holiday Party.'  The same policy applies to any other
employees who are not Christians or those still celebrating Reconciliation
Day.

There will be no Christmas tree. No Christmas carols sung.

We will have other types of music. Happy now?

Happy Holidays to you and your family.

Patty

*****************************************************

FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director

TO: All Employees

DATE: November 03, 2007

RE: Holiday Party

Regarding the note I received from a member of Alcoholics Anonymous
requesting a non-drinking table ... you didn't sign your name. I'm happy to
accommodate this request, but if I put a sign on a table that reads, 'AA
Only'; you wouldn't be anonymous anymore. How am I supposed to handle this?

Forget about the gifts exchange, no gifts exchange are allowed since the
union members feel that $10.00 is too much money and executives believe
$10.00 is a little chintzy. NO GIFTS EXCHANGE WILL BE ALLOWED.

*****************************************************

FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director

To: All Employees

DATE: November 04, 2007

RE: Holiday Party

What a diverse group we are! I had no idea that December 20 begins the
Muslim holy month of Ramadan, which forbids eating and drinking during
daylight hours. There goes the party! Seriously, we can appreciate how a
luncheon at this time of year does not accommodate our Muslim employees'
beliefs. Perhaps the Grill House can hold off on serving your meal until the
end of the party- or else package everything for you to take it home in
little foil doggy baggy. Will that work?

Meanwhile, I've arranged for members of Weight Watchers to sit farthest from
The dessert buffet and pregnant women will get the table closest to the
restrooms.

Gays are allowed to sit with each other.

Lesbians do not have to sit with Gay men, each will have their own table.
Yes, there will be flower arrangement for the Gay men's table.

To the person asking permission to cross dress, no cross-dressing allowed
though.

We will have booster seats for short people.

Low-fat food will be available for those on a diet.

We cannot control the salt used in the food we suggest for those people with
high blood pressure to taste first.

There will be fresh fruits as dessert for Diabetics, the restaurant cannot
supply 'No Sugar' desserts. Sorry!

Did I miss anything?!?!?

Patty

************************************************

FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director

TO: All F****** Employees

DATE: November 05, 2007

RE: The F****** Holiday Party

Vegetarian pricks I've had it with you people!!! We're going to keep this
party at the Grill House whether you like it or not, so you can sit quietly
at the table furthest from the 'grill of death,' as you so quaintly put it,
and you'll get your f****** salad bar, including organic tomatoes. But you
know, tomatoes have feelings, too. They scream when you slice them. I've
heard them scream. I'm hearing them scream right NOW!

I hope you all have a rotten holiday!

Drive drunk and die.

The Bitch from HELL!!!!!!!!

*********************************************

FROM: Joan Bishop, Acting Human Resources Director

To: All Employees

DATE: November 06, 2007

RE: Patty Lewis and Holiday Party

I'm sure I speak for all of us in wishing Patty Lewis a speedy recovery and
I'll continue to forward your cards to her.

In the meantime,  management has decided to cancel our Holiday Party and
give everyone the afternoon of the 23rd off with full pay.

Happy Holidays!

Joan

33
Anything But Hockey / Cute Kitten moment
« on: November 18, 2007, 09:49:48 PM »

34
Take some Vid if you can.....

I hope Downie get's what is coming to him !!!!

35
General Hockey Discussions / Ottawa Sun creates the Evil Flyers Gorilla
« on: November 04, 2007, 05:20:37 PM »
I've been watching this thread for a while now and it's at the point now that it is funny enough to share.

History: After the Flyers suspensions aganist Downie, Boulerice and Jones, the Ottawa sun published the following cartoon.




It has now taken on it's own life:   It starts taking off around page 3/4

36
General Hockey Discussions / LEAFS JFJ playing Dirty Pool now
« on: October 25, 2007, 01:18:09 PM »

I don't like this...I think the OHL/AHL and NHL should abolish this now.  Can you imagine what this would do to Drafts?
Teams with lot's of $$$$ would simply scoop up the top 5 - 10 prospects yearly before teams reach the draft.

Quote
PITTSBURGH John Ferguson has made a bold move with an eye to capturing the next big thing in hockey he offered up-and-coming superstar John Tavares a contract to play for the Toronto Maple Leafs' farm team.

http://www.globesports.com/servlet/story/RTGAM.20071025.wsptleafs25/GSStory/GlobeSportsHockey/home


37
General Hockey Discussions / Trip Down Memory lane anyone?
« on: October 22, 2007, 01:12:36 PM »
Found this while chatting with some Jersey folks in regards to their new facility which the Sens help open on Saturday.

http://www.velocitystock.com/en/Collections/Corel/ConstructionCreationoftheCorelCentre/default.htm



38
Gatherings / Sens - Panthers Oct 20th 2007
« on: October 19, 2007, 12:57:19 PM »
For those interested....it seems that there are several folks attending the Florida Game on Sat Oct 20th.

we'll be meeting at the main gate entrance, at the top of the stairs so your on the 200 level concourse, but on the right? Essentially putting you "above" the Sensations store situation on the 100 level concourse?


39
Feedback/Wishlist/Issues / Thanks Bassman!!!!
« on: October 18, 2007, 10:30:44 AM »
For the updated AV  :beer toast:

40
Sens Talk / Sens Army Message Board
« on: October 17, 2007, 06:36:32 PM »
So, it only took the better part of about 6 years, if not longer but the Sens are going to finally have an "Official" message board.
One can only hope it doesn't deteriorate into the disgrace we all knew of the last time they hosted a forum.

Here is the message I just received:

New Sens discussion board

This fall we will be launching Sens Army Central - the official message board of the Sens Army. We are looking for dedicated Sens fans to help us moderate our discussion forum. If you think you can help us maintain a positive Sens Army environment, send an e-mail to patersonj@ottawasenators.com with your answers to the following two questions (250 words maximum please).

1) Do you currently participate on any message boards? If so, which ones?

2) Sens Army Central will be based on mutual respect between all members. What criteria and guidelines would you apply as a moderator?

Deadline for responses is Wednesday, Oct. 24.



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